My life ; can it get better?
It’s me, Celina, who lives for the day,
who’s afraid to get hurt again, who doesn’t trust people easily because people
always have let her down. It’s me, who cried herself to sleep because bad
things happened, who would be happy if something turned out like I wanted just
once. It’s me, the girl who is happy for having some real friends now, who will
be there, no matter what.
It all started almost 2 years ago, the most
horrible things happened. All together, I lost a good friend where I used to
tell everything to, my neighbor, she passed away.. my granddad, also passed
away, my best friend, and the boy I like, which has something with her now. It
all together happened too fast, and all together, that it really tears me down,
every time I have to face it. Today I saw him again, he talked to me, and I
couldn’t get away. He told me about how great his life is, and he knows it
kills me inside.
After I went home, I started to cry in my
room, everything that happened is just too much for me. It keeps going on for
almost 2 years now, and even though I have my lovely boyfriend who’s also my
best friend, it keeps breaking me down. I wondered if some of my friends had
seen me walking home. I think Lucy had, she knew where I was. My parents
obviously don’t know about it, they were laughing because there was something
funny on TV. I said hi, and went upstairs.
I hear some knocking at the door
downstairs, and footsteps on the stairs. My door went open, and 2 persons
walked in. my best friends Lucy and Fatima, they know everything and are except
Louis, the only one who understand it. They saw me sitting at the wall on my
bed, crying. ‘Hey, we saw everything, such a jerk he is. Come with us, we’ll
distract you from everything.’ Lucy said to me. I looked up, watching how Lucy
walked over and took my hand. I nodded and they took me to the meadows, it was
always beautiful over there, I loved being there. We sat down, talking a bit
over our boyfriends, which came also after an hour or something. It was night
already, but nobody was going to leave. I sat down on Louis’ lap, I don’t know
how he knew about it, not that I care, but he asked how I was doing. I said I
was fine, of course he didn’t believe it, he could see it on me. ‘Now the
truth.’ He said. ‘Don’t want to talk about it over here, don’t want to think
about it neither. ‘ I looked at his face, and he nodded understandable. ‘I
understand, tell me whenever you want.’ He kissed my head, knowing that I felt
uncomfortable right now. I texted my parents that I would sleep over at one of
my friends, so they wouldn’t search for me. I was getting tired, and said I
would go home, but Louis said I could come over at his, so I did. We walked to
his house after I thanked the girls and hugged them all.
Louis’POV.
‘What’s the problem, I know who, but not
what.’ I turned to her when we got to my house. ‘He knows it breaks me when he
talks about how great his life is, that’s what he did. ‘ she said, I saw tears
coming up in the corner of her eyes. I pulled her closer, and let her cry into
my chest. ‘don’t cry hun, I’ll make clear to him that he has to leave you
alone. It can’t go further like this. He has to let you go, I don’t like to say
it, but you’ve to move on, and it won’t happen if he’s around you the whole
time.’ I kissed her head, trying to comfort her.
I knew where she has to go through, maybe I
wasn’t there from the start, but I know she’s torn into pieces, I would be also
if it happened to me. It’s hard to see her sad, I always try to cheer her up,
so are here friends, Lucy and Fatima, they’re really awesome. She’s lucky to
have them. She always thanks us for being there, even though we say she doesn’t
need to say that.
‘Thanks hun, really, I love you.’ She
whispered. ‘No need to thank me, it’s that you’ve been so strong all the time,
unbelievable how strong my lovely girlfriend is. I’m proud of you, and I’ll
always be here.’ I held her in my arms, she was totally done with everything.
‘Come, we’ll go to sleep, you need some.’ I took her hand and we walked
upstairs, I knew that if she had some sleep, she would be happy tomorrow,
that’s how she is, trying to laugh, trying to smile, although she’s going
through pain, I think it’s one of the most wonderful things, I mean, I couldn’t
do that if I was her.
Celina’s POV.
Louis told me I’ve been so strong all the
time, well I think I haven’t. I cried when I was alone, I could hold it for
myself for almost a year. I knew he’s there for me, that Lucy and Fatima are
there for me, and I couldn’t wish for more. After I’ve slept I would be trying
to smile, laugh and do normal, like always. Louis knew I do that all the time,
he once said it was brave, I just think it’s easier.. well I couldn’t thank him
enough for being like he is. I feel like I’m always the one in trouble. I know
I can’t help it, but still..
I woke up and found Louis’ arms around me.
I chuckled, and turned around, kissing his lips to wake him up. I smiled
sweetly as he opened his eyes slowly. ‘Hey hun, feeling better?’ he said with a
sexy but sleepy voice. ‘yeah, like always..’ I kissed his lips once again,
feeling him smile while kissing. ‘Don’t need to hide it for me, you know that.’
He looks into my eyes, I could feel my knees weaken. ‘if I wouldn’t hide it, I
would cry all day, that’s not as fun.. ‘ I chuckled. ‘I’m not totally faking my
smiles and laughs. I’m with you, the most caring, most beautiful, most perfect
boy on earth, I can’t be unhappy about that. I’m glad I found you.’ I got up
and smiled. He also decided to get up and we got dressed for today. ‘What are
you going to do?’ he asks when I’m doing my hair in front of the mirror. He
wraps his arms around my waist from behind, he’s still shirtless, which makes
him look so damn attractive. ‘I don’t know yet, maybe hanging around with someone?
Or more people?’ I giggled cutely as I turned around. I just watched his eyes,
biting my lip. ‘Don’t be so sexy over there, you make me weak with that.’ He
smiles, pulling me closer, pressing his body to mine. ‘and you say that?’ I
laid my hands on his naked chest, looking into his eyes. ‘We could just watch
movies together or something.’
Not an hour later, we were messing around
on the couch, having a movie marathon, horror movies of course. We cringed
close to each other, eating pop corn, and we also asked my friends to come
over. ‘AAAAH.’ Lucy screamed. ‘I’m that girl who kills, and you know who I
kill..’ I had an evil look on my face. I saw them looking at me secretly, to
see how I was I think. ‘Why are you checking me all the time, I’m not blind..’
I said. ‘We want to know if you’re alright.’ Fatima answered. ‘Well, I’m fine,
I just move on, like always..’ I wanted to leave, but Louis had my wrist, so I
couldn’t leave. ‘Don’t, you know they don’t mean it like that. Sit down, don’t
do things you’ll regret.’
You
sigh and sit down again, looking at your hands. ‘I’m sorry, I’m just a bit
frustrated..’ I felt tears coming up, but I bit my lip so I wouldn’t cry. I
looked over at Fatima with a guilty look, she nods sweetly. I walked over to
her and gave her a massive hug. The fact that I was a little irritated wasn’t
gone very soon, so I took a pillow and hold it while I sat down at the couch,
pulling my knees up. The movie went on as I watch it to get a little
distracted. My mind was freaking out and I knew they all knew that it was like
that.
Louis’ POV.
I didn’t want her burst out to one of us,
of course I won’t. I knew she’d calm down if I talked quietly and hold her
wrist. I always knew how to get her calmer, I know her too well, just like she
knows me. She held on tight on the pillow when she sat again, I knew she
thought about it, but I let it go, she’d be happier if we didn’t talk about it.
Why is life so hard to people? I really
want to know that, if a person doesn’t deserve it, like Celina, why for
heaven’s sake did she get this? I hope there’ll be much more good times for
her.
I walked with Lucy and Fatima to the door
as they left, it was almost dinner time. Celina said she had to go home also,
but I said she could stay, if she wanted to of course, I like being in her
company, that’s why we’re a couple of course. I love her.
When I walked back in, I saw she was gone,
I think upstairs. I searched her and found her in the bathroom, crying in the
corner.
Celina’s POV.
I heard Louis coming in. ‘I mess everything
up, if you didn’t hold my wrist, I’d have another fight, how can you life with
me?’ I sobbed. I wanted to run away from everything, but I knew it wouldn’t
help. ‘Hun, you know how happy and lovely you are, even though you’re sad some
times. I love you for being you.’ He tried to make me feel better. I stood up
and took both his hands, entangling his fingers with mine. My smile and my
teary eyes, that’s where he looked at. I didn’t like the fact being such a sad
girl like this, I want to be happy, start all over again. ‘Tomorrow we’ll do
something fun, and no matter what, I will enjoy.’ I said, chuckling a little.
‘Deal. I’ll try to do my best to choose something.’ I step closer to him,
resting my head on his head. ‘I love you.’ I whispered. He let go of my hands
so he could pull his arms around my waist. ‘I love you too, crazy little girl.
‘ he chuckled sweetly. ‘Hey, I’m not little. ‘ I smiled. We showered together
before getting some dinner. He cooked a delicious meal, like never before. ‘Can
I have your lips as dessert?’ he asked cutely with a naughty sparkle in his
eyes. ‘you want that then?’ he really knew how to make me happier when we were
alone. ‘Yeah, I’m in desperate need of one.. at least.’ I kissed his lips
shortly and walked away teasingly. I went upstairs and laid down under the blankets.
I fell asleep short after laying down.
I found out that I laid on top of Louis
when I woke up, he had pulled me there I think. He was looking at me, one hand
behind his head, the other stroking my hair. ‘Goodmorning.’ He says cutely,
chuckling sweetly. ‘good morninggggg.’ I smiled. I kissed his lips before
getting up. ‘What are we going to do today? ‘ I looked into his clear blue
eyes, which sparkle. ‘mmh, I think we could stay in bed a bit longer, I’m
comfortable over here.’ I watched him, he’s smiling. I sat down on his belly,
leaning on my knees which are besides
him. ‘I can change that a little.’ I started to tickle him and his strong arms
forced me to stop, he made us turn around and made his payback by doing the
same at me, only he pressed my body to his, instead of tickling. ‘I love you
hun.’ He whispered. His arms are firmly around my back and he held me close to
him, laying on top of me. I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to turn around.
‘Sleepy head.’ He chuckles sweetly in your ear. ‘I didn’t ask for being awake
already, I’m tired.’ You say with a moan. ‘Come on sweetie, going to have fun
today.’ He gets out of bed, walking to the closet and picking clothes. He
throws some clothes to me which I put on as I got out of bed also. ‘These are so
big.’ I laughed. ‘But you still look sexy hun, and we’ll go to your house
before going somewhere else, you can lean these.’ He chuckles, putting some
clothes on himself now. His favorite striped shirt and some comfortable
trousers. You see him doing his swimming clothes into a bag rapidly and thinks
I didn’t see it. ‘Come, we’ll go to your first.’ He takes my hand, leading me
downstairs, helping me into my coat and leaving the house. I walk hand in hand,
birds are singing. ‘too poor to buy your own clothes?’I froze when I heard the
voice coming from behind. I turned around and yes, my worst nightmare. ‘Dream
along. ‘ I said, turning around again, walking along. ‘Yeah, walk away, I was
just walking to my lovely girlfriend, enjoy your day.’ He grins and walks
along, the same way as you. ‘You really need to get away, leave us alone, you
don’t have to talk to us, so don’t, didn’t you hurt her enough? Think before
you act.’ Louis says, looking behind. ‘I talk to who I want, and I hurt her?
can’t believe that. ‘ he chuckles. Louis stops walking and gives him an angry
look. ‘You know you did, stay away from her. she didn’t hurt you, did she? I’m
sorry, but I just think it’s rude how you treat girls, and I’m mad you treated
her like that, she’s just too good for you.’ He took my hand and walked along.
I looked back and saw he stood there in shock. Louis’ words made sense, he
didn’t knew he hurt me. ‘Thanks hun, I couldn’t have done it better..’ I
squeezed his hand sweetly, smiling him a lovingly smile. ‘No problem, it’s just
that I hate it when others do that, he has to get some respect for girls..’
Louis’ POV.
I loved saying what I thought to him, I
hope he’ll think about it, he doesn’t have to say one word to her or I’ll get
really mad.
We arrived at her home, and her parents say
hi to us, and look at me friendly. ‘We’re going to do something together, so
I’ll be gone soon again.’ she chuckled. ‘I sleep home tonight, no worry. ‘ she
walked upstairs, so I followed her. I sat down at her bed while she took some
of her own clothes. ‘Put your bikini on already.. I know you saw me taking my
swimming clothes. ‘ I grinned. She took her blue bikini, I like that one, it
had white stripes on it. She took a sweater to put over it, and some jeans she
liked. She changed her clothes and I was watching her secretly. I stood up and
embraced her from behind. ‘stop being too beautiful, I can’t hold me away from
you then.’ I whispered. ‘I’m already done hun, we can go to where you want.’
She smiled and gave me a kiss on my cheek, I felt my cheeks getting red.
Celina’s POV.
I let me lead to the beach, I secretly knew
it. It was empty over there, it wasn’t really warm, that’s probably the reason
why it wasn’t really crowded. I put of my sweater and my jeans, and waited for
Louis, who was getting ready also. We went for a swim to the little island, not
300 meters from the beach. He took both my hands and looked into my eyes. The
sunbeam was getting hotter and we the beach getting more crowded. He kissed me
gently before we swam back, lying on our blankets, we cringed close to each
other, enjoying the hot sun. I enjoyed spending time with him like this.
Now it’s going on like at least 2 months
like this, I didn’t cry much anymore, I smiled, laughed and giggled more than
ever, my friends saw the real me, the independent me.
I’m Celina, the girl who dares to dream,
who is strong no matter what, the girl who doesn’t need a lot of friends to be
happy, just that pair of real friends. I was happy, and no one would take that
away from me anymore, no matter what.
So
can a life get better even when it looks like the whole world tears you down?
YES, you just need a few persons to help you.
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